By Dr. Cheryl Guy
It is a fact that parent communication and teenage communication can be vastly different. When it seems as if neither party understands the other during the parent child communication process, especially between a mother and teenage daughter, I term this communication as momglish and teenglish.
The truth is, no one can better understand the plight of mothers as other mothers. Teenage girls feel the same comradery and security within their own friendship circles too. As mothers of teenage daughters, we have to be able to connect with our daughters on a more intimate-heartfelt level if we are going to maintain open communication.
If you are a mother and have been unable to tap into that intimate-heartfelt level with your teenage daughter and you find yourself questioning your sanity, intelligence, intestinal fortitude, and patience while attempting to communicate with her, you are not alone!
The parent child communication process reminds me of the dummy blocking sleds my husband’s football players used during football practice while coaching them. To teach the concept of effective blocking, the players would run up to the sled and push against it with all of their might in attempt to push the dummy backwards.
We as mothers sometimes feel that during our attempts of communicating with our daughters, we are the football dummy’s being pushed backwards, but on the same hand, we also have the ability to make our daughters feel the same way.
In the early stages of trying to reconnect with your daughter, choose a visual such as the football dummy blocking sleds or some other object. Not only is it important to form that mental picture in your mind, but print an actual visual picture of that object. Post it at your desk, beside your bedside table, in your vehicle or other locations where you will be sure to be reminded that you do not want to continue the same mode of parent child communication with your daughter.
The second way to improving communication is to actually talk with your daughter and explain how you have felt and how you intend to work towards a healthier way of communicating with her. Allow her to express her feelings as well. Give her a mental picture and visual pictures of your reminders and encourage her to either use yours or to come up with her own. Have her print her own pictures out for her use as reminders. You won’t believe how this concept can begin to move your relationship into a healthier place.
Don’t stop there though. There is no silver bullet or quick fix to sustaining change between a mother and her teenage daughter. The same can be said of the relationship between a husband and wife. It takes work and the payoff for your efforts will come in the form of life-long relationship changes between you and the one you love.
Dr. Cheryl Guy is author of “The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like” & Creator of the Relationship Renewal ProgramsTM. To learn more about her, her programs, services or to receive her FREE award winning “Parenting the Teenage Daughter” newsletter, visit her site at http://www.TheTeenageDaughter.com .
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