Tag Archives: communication

Have Yourself a Healthy Little Holiday

by Tj Helm on 12,01,0909 in Personal Development

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We get so busy during the holidays, making sure that guests are well cared for and family is pampered. Unfortunately, the person we most often forget is ourselves. Don’t let this holiday season proceed without putting yourself into the equation. This article will give you some helpful tips for you to “Have Yourself a Healthy Little Holiday”.

Have Yourself a Healthy Little Holiday

By Terri Holley

The colder season is finally here! Gone are the golden days of autumn, thoughts of raking leaves, and the colorful fall foliage. In their place are winter-themed wrapping paper, sparkling trees and weeks of non-stop celebration. These days, with the holiday season being heavily commercialized, hyped-up and overinflated, many of us find ourselves in a perpetual state overwhelm. Is it possible to enjoy the holidays without the chaos, anxiety and stress?

Years ago, the holiday season gave us permission to pause. It was well-deserved time off that gave us space to enjoy family and friends, recharge our batteries and prepare for a brand new year. These days, it can be difficult to slow down and really savor the holidays, but the possibility still exists. Take a minute and connect with your most fulfilling and enjoyable holiday season. What made it great? How did you take care of yourself? How did you feel after the holiday season was over?

A prosperous New Year starts with making time for self-care during the holidays. With that in mind, here are a few self-pampering gifts that will guarantee a season of healthy celebration.

The gift of movement. Be sure to exercise at least 3 times per week. It is great way to manage stress and burn off extra calories.

The gift of nourishment. Stock up on fruits, vegetables and unprocessed/unrefined
carbohydrates such as whole wheat crackers, granola bars and dried fruit. Don’t go for perfection, but strike a balance between indulging in celebratory treats and feasting on foods that keep the body well nourished.

The gift of being in the moment. Take time to be still and notice where you are on the holiday map. Are you consciously and intentionally moving through the holiday season? Staying grounded in the present will help you avoid temporal pleasures that may lead to extra pounds or unexpected debt.

The gift of connection. The holidays may surround you with people who are difficult to be with. Treasure the opportunity to connect deeper with everyone. What is the gift the “hard to be with” person gives you? How can you better appreciate everything the holiday season brings?

The gift of gratitude. Reflect on what has made your life richer and fuller [this year]. How can you leverage these blessings to experience a wildly successful [next year]?

Here’s to a wonderful, enjoyable and healthy holiday season!

Terri Holley, MS CPCC is a Certified Professional Life Coach, trainer, speaker, and wellness expert. She supports people in honoring their deepest commitments to health, fitness and wellness. She is the owner and founder of Momentum Health and Life Coaching, LLC. Visit her website at http://www.mhlcoaching.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terri_Holley

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How to Create Perfect Business Email Communications

by Tj Helm on 05,01,0909 in Workplace Support

By Michael Roberts Jr
There are different levels of business etiquette and email business communications. When emailing people there are different ideas and ways to convey messages in your email. Learning the tricks of perfecting a email is a great opportunity to sharpen your leadership skills and business communication etiquette.

FORMALITY
There is a certain level of formality that needs to be considered and remember when sending emails. When you are sending an email from a business address then keep the email about whatever your business was when you contacted the person. Keep all business emails formal!

SHORT
It’s been proven that after ten seconds people lose focus. A seven page email will not be read in its entirety. Be short, sweet and to the point. Cover the area that is pertinent of you to cover– leave the rest for later if at all possible. Craft from the top to the bottom, then check to see if your most important information is in the top 1/3 of the message.

BE QUICK
Don’t let the receiver have to guess who you are because you’re using a nick name and not the name that you go by in business. In the subject field be specific about why you are writing, while in the body of the email, as mentioned before get to the point. Be concise and polite always ending by thanking the individual for taking the time out of their day to read the email. Last– but not least, make sure the person knows that it is ok to contact you concerning the message.

When you sit down in the mornings (or whatever time you read your emails) to read your email make sure that you make time to respond to the email promptly. There is a chance if you put it off for later you will forget about making a response.

SENSITIVITY
Don’t handle any sensitive issues with an email. Making a phone call or speaking to the individual is important when handling these types of situations. Email is permanent– it is not the place for delicate matters that could trigger emotional responses.

ERRORS
Check, check and recheck the email for any and all errors! Once you press send the email represents you and your company. You lose the hands on, face to face relationship that you would have if a person was in your office. So once you send the email you don’t have the opportunity to go back and change it or correct yourself as you would in person. You must remember to do spell and grammar checks before sending all emails. Setup Outlook to do an automatic spell check for you… That one move could be a career saver.

This article was written by Michael Roberts Jr. the founder of Manage Up.net
His website is dedicated to developing better organizational leadership. The website has eBooks, articles, and online training for managers. Don’t miss the opportunity to sharpen your skills and take your career to new levels using insightful knowledge from an expert in management. Visit http://www.manageup.net/ today and receive a FREE eBook to get you started.

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Secrets of Successful Relationships

by Tj Helm on 02,24,0909 in Personal Development

By Emma-Louise Smith
Everybody wants to have a successful relationship. Who doesn’t? Some people envy other people’s seemingly perfect relationship. You might be asking yourself, what’s their secret?

If you want to find out some secrets of successful relationships, read the following sentences.

Love. This is a no-brainer. No relationship will survive if there is no love. One-sided love is also not good, maybe even worse. This does not only mean that you have to love your boyfriend or girlfriend, it also means you have to love yourself.

Trust. Another foundation of a successful relationship is trust. A relationship with love but without trust will not work. it is very difficult to stay in a relationship if one person is always jealous while the other is untrustworthy.

Communication. This is somewhat related to trust. Open communication is very important. Couples shouldn’t hide anything from each other. This can destroy trust. Communication how you feel about certain issues in your relationship is a good idea instead of harbouring bad feelings to your partner.

Time. Despite busy schedules, couples should still make it a point to spend a few hours each day doing together. It need not be an all-out romantic date. It could be as simple as cuddling while watching TV at home.

Touch. It has been said that a man will not be able to live if no human being will touch him. Touching each other is a way to show affection. Even as simple as touching your partner’s cheek or caressing his or her lower back can say so much.

http://www.answerstolove.com/Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emma-Louise_Smith

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Communication With Your Teenage Daughter

by Tj Helm on 02,24,0909 in Family & Parenting

By Dr. Cheryl Guy
It is a fact that parent communication and teenage communication can be vastly different. When it seems as if neither party understands the other during the parent child communication process, especially between a mother and teenage daughter, I term this communication as momglish and teenglish.

The truth is, no one can better understand the plight of mothers as other mothers. Teenage girls feel the same comradery and security within their own friendship circles too. As mothers of teenage daughters, we have to be able to connect with our daughters on a more intimate-heartfelt level if we are going to maintain open communication.

If you are a mother and have been unable to tap into that intimate-heartfelt level with your teenage daughter and you find yourself questioning your sanity, intelligence, intestinal fortitude, and patience while attempting to communicate with her, you are not alone!

The parent child communication process reminds me of the dummy blocking sleds my husband’s football players used during football practice while coaching them. To teach the concept of effective blocking, the players would run up to the sled and push against it with all of their might in attempt to push the dummy backwards.

We as mothers sometimes feel that during our attempts of communicating with our daughters, we are the football dummy’s being pushed backwards, but on the same hand, we also have the ability to make our daughters feel the same way.

In the early stages of trying to reconnect with your daughter, choose a visual such as the football dummy blocking sleds or some other object. Not only is it important to form that mental picture in your mind, but print an actual visual picture of that object. Post it at your desk, beside your bedside table, in your vehicle or other locations where you will be sure to be reminded that you do not want to continue the same mode of parent child communication with your daughter.

The second way to improving communication is to actually talk with your daughter and explain how you have felt and how you intend to work towards a healthier way of communicating with her. Allow her to express her feelings as well. Give her a mental picture and visual pictures of your reminders and encourage her to either use yours or to come up with her own. Have her print her own pictures out for her use as reminders. You won’t believe how this concept can begin to move your relationship into a healthier place.

Don’t stop there though. There is no silver bullet or quick fix to sustaining change between a mother and her teenage daughter. The same can be said of the relationship between a husband and wife. It takes work and the payoff for your efforts will come in the form of life-long relationship changes between you and the one you love.

Dr. Cheryl Guy is author of “The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like” & Creator of the Relationship Renewal ProgramsTM. To learn more about her, her programs, services or to receive her FREE award winning “Parenting the Teenage Daughter” newsletter, visit her site at http://www.TheTeenageDaughter.com .
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Cheryl_Guy

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Good Habits Are Easy to Create

by Tj Helm on 02,04,0909 in Family & Parenting

By Robert H Davis
Habits – we are all too familiar with bad habits and the difficulty involved in trying to break them. For an action to become a habit, the action requires repetition. Thus, everyday life becomes a habit. Life becomes routine and unexciting. And, the stress that infiltrates all of our lives because of the current economic situation only makes matters worse. From the oldest family member to the youngest, everyone feels the crunch.

But, take heart. These difficult economic times are an opportunity to be creative, try new things, and create new habits.

Here are 5 simple suggestions to help you and your soul mate(s) weather the storm:

Say “I love you” to your soul mate(s) at least twice a day
Say I love you once in the morning to start the day, and once in the evening before going to bed. Hint: “I love you” can be used throughout the day, too: apply generously.

If your children are no longer at home, follow this same prescription. Get into the habit of contacting them twice a day either by phone or e-mail.

Make homemade pizza
Break the monotony with an inexpensive and fun meal that the entire family can help make. There are several pre-made pizza crusts available, but try the pizza crust mix. The simple mix allows you to be creative and make the pizza into any shape you can imagine. Try making a butterfly or a heart shaped pizza. Crust mix, spaghetti or pizza sauce, parmesan and mozzarella cheeses, pepperoni or your favorite toppings make a delicious, fun and inexpensive pizza your family will love.

Plan a weekly ‘at home’ family night
Rent a movie the entire family will enjoy or, better yet, dig a game out of the closet. Hint: the sillier the game, the more popular it will be. Recent discoveries that we have enjoyed are “Candyland”, “Don’t Break the Ice”, and “SORRY”.

Limit phone time
We are becoming increasingly mobile and the communications technology available today encourages us to spend more and more time in idle conversation. This creates distance between family members and wastes opportunities for bonding. We can set aside specific times for phoning friends that will not interfere with the time we spend with our soul mate(s).

Encourage creativity in your home
We all have a creative interest or talent. Make exploring these interests and talents the past time of choice when boredom sets in. Is there a budding actor, actress, or artist in the family? Here are a few suggestions for entertaining and creative activities that will cost little or nothing:

Produce a play.

Write a story or poem.

Sculpt a clay figurine.

Paint a watercolor picture.

Create a crayon, chalk or pastel drawing.

Activities that inspire creativity or provide opportunities for quality time with our soul mate(s) can ease tensions and strengthen relationships. Try these ideas or think of other ways to disrupt the routine of everyday life. Remember, you can turn these ideas into good habits by repeating them often.

https://www.mcmsm.comMy Child My Soul MateArticle Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Robert_H_Davis

For more information and support for creating what’s important to you, visit http://www.GalileoLS.com/consult.html for a free coaching consultation.

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Communication – How to Listen With Curiosity

by Tj Helm on 10,31,0808 in Personal Development

By Melinda Elliott

I’ll be honest – until a few years ago I thought I was right most of the time. And not just about my life, but about what was best for others. I was humbled when I finally I stepped back and really listened to other people’s ideas – I realized that while my conclusions and solutions might be right for me, they often weren’t right for them.

In my first coaching class we were taught to “stay in curiosity”; to simply ask questions without drawing conclusions or trying to guide others to “see it our way”. This was a rude awakening for many of the students in the class – we’d come to coaching because we felt we had wisdom to share. What I learned was that people’s thoughts, perceptions and conclusions often had no resemblance to my own, and what I thought was right for them was often flat out wrong.

Staying in curiosity isn’t just for coaches. Staying in curiosity will help you be a better partner, parent, boss, co-worker or team member. Learning to stay open with others is powerful for both you and them – you have the benefit of learning about others, and they have the treat of being really listened to with respect and openness.

Try these 5 tips for staying in curiosity:
1. Don’t assume that you know what the other person is thinking or feeling.
It’s true that when you’ve known someone a long time you might have a good idea about what’s going on with them. But what’s key here is that you might not. You might have been making incorrect assumptions about them for years! And we all change, what was true about someone yesterday might not be true today.

2. Listen
So often when someone is talking to us we are mentally crafting our replies, evaluating what they are saying, or, sometimes, we might even be off composing our grocery list.

To really listen:

Keep your mind clear of opinions, answers and conclusions. Seek to discover what information the speaker is providing.

Stay neutral, don’t shift your focus to your emotional response or start trying to figure out solutions.

Let the other person finish, don’t interrupt or jump in with your thoughts.

3. Don’t provide solutions or give advice
Ouch! We all love to provide our insights to others, especially when we think we can help. And we may even be right some of the time! However, the fact is that all of us are much more inspired by solutions we design ourselves than those provided by others. There’s a great deal of value to be gained by going through the process of figuring out what to do; we learn more about ourselves, the situation we are in, and how to succeed when we seek our own solutions.

4. Avoid soothing
It can be uncomfortable to listen to other’s hurts and problems; we want to make their sorrow go away. Sometimes we try to sooth others with statements like “Everything will be ok.” Or we inadvertently invalidate other’s feelings with comments like “I know you’re sad your best friend moved away, but you’ll find other friends.” As hard as it is, it’s a wonderful gift to someone to just be there for them when they’re in pain, and listen to them work though it without trying to fix things or make the hurt go away.

5. Stay curious
As people talk to you, get curious about what they are experiencing. The best curious questions are short and simple and are directed at the speaker’s current experience and feelings. Some examples of curious questions – “How do you feel about what she said?”, “What’s the most stressful aspect of this situation?” or “What’s your biggest concern?” Notice that none of the questions attempt to lead the speaker to a solution, they just allow space for them to process their experience.

Staying open when listening to others isn’t easy. I still find myself dishing out unasked for advice, or cutting people off when I think I know what they are going to say. But really being curious is a lovely gift to give to others, and you’ll be surprised what you can learn when you aren’t stuck in your own preconceptions.

Test your knowledge of curious questions below. Identify whether each question or comment is:
A) Disguised advice B) Curious C) Soothing
1. Are you sure you don’t want to do it this way?
2. I know it was bad, but it will be better tomorrow!
3. How did you react when he said that to you?
4. Oh don’t say that – you know it isn’t true!
5. What is important about this?
6. Do you think you should tell your manager?

Answers: 1 A, 2 C, 3 B, 4 C, 5 B, 6 A

© Melinda Elliott 2008
Melinda Elliott is a certified Life Coach who works with people to achieve the life they want. Through coaching, Melinda can help you leverage your strengths, smash your roadblocks, and create the life you’re dreaming of. For more information or to request a free Sample Session, visit http://www.melindaelliottcoaching.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melinda_Elliott

For more information and support for creating the life and career you want visit http://www.GalileoLS.com/consult.html for a free coaching consultation.

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Effective Communication – A Two Way Street

by Tj Helm on 10,31,0808 in Personal Development

By Michael Jeffreys

Effective communication involves several different aspects. Although verbal communication is the most common way that people correspond, there are many other specific characteristics involved in the interaction. Let’s take listening, for instance. If someone is talking to another person, but the other person is distracted and isn’t really ‘hearing’ what the speaker is saying, then communication is ineffective. Many people think that listening is simple, but it actually takes skill and practice in order to perfect it. No one is a born listener. A listener has to search for specific clues from a speaker. Verbal communication is often accentuated by body language, eye contact and paraphrasing and good listeners have to recognize when a speaker is using these characteristics to get their point across.

Sometimes body language says a lot more than words do when it comes to verbal communication. A person may claim to be listening to what someone is saying to them, but if the listener is bored or distracted while the other person is talking to them, then it will be quite obvious. The listener may appear to stare into space, not comment at appropriate times or may not even comment at all. However, being a good listener does not always involve commenting on what the speaker is saying. Sometimes it’s not necessary for an individual to utter a single word in order to be considered an avid listener. In certain situations during verbal communication, the person speaking may be satisfied with the eye contact, head shakes, murmurs or the facial expressions of the listener. Body language is an essential part of communication and often determines the effectiveness of the verbal interaction.

Another extremely important aspect of verbal communication is eye contact. Eye contact is the perfect way to get someone’s attention without using verbal communication. It’s subtle yet effective. It doesn’t matter if the people involved in the conversation are complete strangers, if the communication is to be effective; eye contact is a necessary part of the conversation. Without eye contact, two people can’t connect on an emotional level, which makes the interaction useless. For example, how would a psychiatric patient feel if the psychiatrist never looked at them?

Paraphrasing is also essential during verbal communication. Paraphrasing is repeating what a person has just stated, although using a summarized version. The use of paraphrasing allows the speaker to accentuate specific and highly important portions of a conversation. It is often used to clarify direction or confirm agreement among all of the parties communicating. Paraphrasing is very useful to a listener, as well, because it allows the listener to key into specifically what the speaker believes are the most important portions of the topic they are discussing.

Communicating one’s feelings is as much a learned skill as being a good listener. Some people have a difficult time properly expressing their feelings, which could adversely affect the verbal communication process by creating miscommunication and misunderstanding. No one is a mind reader. If a person only offers a listener partial information then there will undoubtedly be trouble at the end of the communication road.

There are two critical aspects to effective communication; properly expressing one’s feeling to avoid misunderstandings and effective listening. If either of these keys to successful communication is missing, then the interaction won’t go smoothly and there will be problems. Make sure that you are both a good listener and a good communicator.

Michael Jeffreys is the president of Seminars on DVD, a premiere provider of video based training for businesses and individuals, featuring renowned experts and speakers. Learn more at: http://www.SeminarsOnDVD.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Jeffreys

For more information and support for creating the life and career you want visit http://www.GalileoLS.com/consult.html for a free coaching consultation.

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Why Argue? Keeping the Lines of Communication Open

by Tj Helm on 10,31,0808 in Personal Development

By Dr. Jackie Black

A minor disagreement can get out of hand very quickly or a simple conversation can suddenly turn into a shouting match.

Why?
Because your fear of being abandoned, or disappointing your partner makes itself the primary consideration in the conversation.

Hearing another person’s opinion or point of view can trigger the feeling of being invalidated, and for many people, it’s a signal that ridicule, criticism or judgment is on the way!

Good communication is telling your truth about YOU to others and being congruent — within yourself.
Being congruent is a process in which you value yourself; you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings, and your resources and choices; honor and express your deepest knowing about yourself and be sure that what you say and how you say it match what you are feeling.
vThere are three major reasons that men and women don’t communicate effectively.

First and foremost, most people do not identify their feelings accurately.

Secondly, it is very difficult for most people to find the right words to express how they feel.

Lastly, if they do know how they feel and if they have a few words to accurately express how they feel, most lack the courage to let anybody know.

Does this sound like you or others you know? Identifying your feelings, finding the right words to express your feelings and mustering the courage to actually express your feelings to another person really isn’t so complicated.

Don’t avoid saying what is in your heart or on your mind to say.
Don’t hide your worries because you don’t want your partner to know that you are not in control.

Don’t hide your hopes and dreams because you are afraid no one will share your excitement.

When you stay emotionally intelligent and emotionally available the lines of communication stay open. Create a safe and supportive place to tell each other the truth mindfully, responsibly and respectfully and always remember that the foundation of your relationship is built on good will and good intention.

Remember, only You can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 2008
This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name, web site, and email address.
If you like this article and would like to take advantage of more sage relationship advice, please click on the author link above where you can read Dr. Jackie’s Extended Author Bio.
Dr. Jackie is the author of Meeting Your Match (http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail~bookid~39827.aspx) – Cracking the Code to Successful Relationships written to support men and women who are committed to learning and practicing essential relationship success skills.
Dr. Jackie Black:http://www.drjackieblack.com/
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For more information and support for creating the life and career you want visit http://www.GalileoLS.com/consult.html for a free coaching consultation.

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Virtual-Team Management

by Tj Helm on 10,31,0808 in Business Building, Workplace Support

By Richard Mclaughlin

Workplace Communication
As the example above should show, you have to contact every member of your team regularly. How often is regular? Often enough that they feel comfortable with you. Communication can be email, telephone, a face-to-face visit, or a text message on a cell phone. It can also be a hand written message delivered through office mail. I used to ask people in my company that were going to the country where my team members were to deliver something. Anything. A baseball cap with the company logo and something written in French, accompanied by a signed note.

Invent opportunities to get your team together.
This works best when it is the entire team, but if you can only do parts, make sure that the people that don’t attend the first meeting do get to attend the second. I had 3 of a 5 person team traveling one seek and they were all passing through Munich. One of my team members worked in Munich. I sent the 4th person, from the UK, to Munich and had everyone stay for a one-day meeting that I could not attend. I was there by phone and videoconference, but was not able to be there in person. The team found this to be one of the most productive meetings, I suppose because they could easily mute me and talk “behind my back” before coming up with a collective answer. This also did wonders for the team building trust in each other.

At any meeting, encourage team members to share difficulties and successes. I always brought up that I am and American in France, I have language issues like they do. I told of operations that I had. I have physical problems like some did. Try very hard to make sure your team knows that you are not a faultless person, part of the trust that you gain will come from honest and open communication.

Keep everyone up to date and aware of what is expected of him or her. Don’t let any of them feel they are ‘remote’. An essential element of your communication plan is…

Regular conference calls
I hate conference calls. But they are important for the team. If you have a team spread across countries, keep up to date on the working hours and holidays in the different countries. In France, calling a meeting after 7 in the evening is bad. In Holland, calling a meeting after 5 is considered bad.

National holidays differ. Use Microsoft Outlook, they have a feature that lets you choose to list different country and religious holidays. Take extra care when dealing with religious holidays.

Learn when your team has their weekend. There are some countries that don’t have the Saturday and Sunday weekend. I was part of a team that called a meeting every Friday afternoon. Certain people on that call (who attended every call) were on their weekend. When I was asked to host the call for a month I set it for Sunday afternoon. There were a lot of people that didn’t want to attend the weekend call, but after that odd month we never had a Friday call again.

Publish a schedule of calls, make them at the same time and day so that your team can build a schedule around them. Conference calls need to be run like any other meetings but with stronger control. Have an agenda and stick to it. Don’t let the conversation drift, be careful about people that are native language speakers and tend to talk a lot. Repeat in appropriate terms any comment that may be confusing to people who don’t speak the main language of the call.

Use video conferencing when you can. There are new products that focus on the speaker; very useful. At the beginning and end of a video call make sure to go around the virtual table and ask everyone to speak. This gives everyone at least 2 chances to speak up.

Cultural Differences
Be very aware of cultural differences. Some cultures don’t say no, or find it hard to say no. Different cultures have different expectations of the managers. Even when you have a common language, some things are understood differently in different parts of the world.

Conclusion
Building trust is the most important aspect of managing a virtual or remote team. Cultural differences will possibly bring up the greatest trust issues and you really have to work on these.

Make sure that you have developed a sense of rapport with each member of your team before a group meeting, if possible. I have twice been made manager of groups, and no one except me was aware of the change until we were in a group meeting. If this happens, make sure you are as short and to the point as you can be, and use that first meeting to schedule time with each person on your team before the meeting has ended.

Visit Richard McLaughlin (http://richardmclaughlin.biz/)
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Richard_Mclaughlin

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If You Want to Be a Master Communicator, Shut Up and Listen!

by Tj Helm on 11,09,0707 in Personal Development

By Keity Harmeyer

There is no one in the world more powerful than a great communicator.

The ability to communicate masterfully is like The Midas Touch. It allows you to turn virtually any opportunity into pure gold. Through skillful communication, success becomes possible in every area of your life – career, relationships, finances. Effective communication is key to all of these and more.

So just what is it that makes someone a great communicator? What is that rare ability that allows some people to forge real, meaningful, mutually-satisfying connections with others?

For years I’ve taught classes, conducted seminars and coached individuals on their communication and presentation skills. And just about everyone I’ve worked with believes that being an effective communicator simply means being able to get their point across, to successfully express their thoughts, ideas and feelings to others.

But in fact, that is just a very small part of the equation. This ability alone will not allow you to forge meaningful connections. In fact, if all you focus on is your personal agenda, there’s a good chance you’ll get nowhere. How many times have you observed an eloquent speaker with what appears to be all the right techniques, a great vocabulary, all poise and polish, only to find that his or her words ultimately fall flat?

Look up “communication” in the dictionary, and you’ll see that it derives from the Latin word communicare, “to impart, share,” literally “to make common.” So real communication isn’t simply a transmission of ideas; it’s an exchange, a dialogue of sorts. Effective communication is a sharing of information, a coming together of two unique points-of-view, the communicator’s and the person being communicated with. Sometimes those points-of-view are in sync, sometimes they are in conflict; but they are always distinct. No one’s perspective, experience, interpretation, concerns, goals, mood, etc. is identical to yours. Understanding this fact is key to making powerful connections.

If you take nothing else away from this article, please remember this statement: effective communication is always a two-way street.

In order for real, meaningful communication to take place, information must flow in both directions – not just from you, but to you. By fully appreciating this concept, you will be able to do what is necessary to make real connections with others, and ultimately improve your odds of getting what you want from each communication encounter.

Just how can you make this exchange possible? Stop talking — and listen.

Most of us are actually pretty good at talking. We talk like crazy. We talk about our problems, our accomplishments, our relationships, our headaches, our dreams. We talk about everything that matters to us. Unfortunately, those issues are rarely what’s of greatest interest to others.

On the flip side, sadly most of us are lousy listeners. In fact, most people, even when they appear to be listening intently to someone else, are actually lost in their own thoughts, often thinking about what they will say next.

Really hearing what others have to say, what matters to them, what they want, what they fear, what they hope for, will ultimately make you better able to connect with them, and help them to understand your message.

Being an effective listener is probably the single most important quality of a great communicator. Just observe some of the best there are. It’s often been reported by those who know him that President Bill Clinton makes every person he speaks with feel like they’re the only person in the room. The Reverend Billy Graham is able to touch the emotions of thousands of people at the same time, who feel that he’s speaking personally with them. Winston Churchill tapped into the fears and dreams of an entire nation, and inspired them to greatness. Think about the great communicators you’ve met in your own life, and how they somehow seemed to speak a language you really understood.

Speaking the language of others. That’s what real communication is all about.

Think of it this way. Supposed you had to deliver some important information to someone, but that person only spoke Japanese, and you did not. What would you do? You might have your message translated for you, or have an interpreter on hand. But if you didn’t figure out how to somehow impart your message in the language that person understood, it would fall on deaf ears. No matter how eloquently you made your point, it would remain meaningless, because you didn’t speak the language.

If you’re going to be one of the world’s great communicators, you will have to learn the language of others, and then frame your message in a manner they will understand and appreciate.

Here are a few things you can start doing right now to make yourself a more effective communicator.

1. Train yourself to really listen. When you’re attempting to connect with someone, really focus on them, what they’re saying and how they’re behaving. Consciously try to block everything else out – your thoughts, distractions around you, etc. Make a point of not speaking yourself until the other person has expressed a complete thought. Fight the urge to interrupt or finish their sentences. Try to be genuinely interested in every word they say.

2. Acknowledge others’ words and feelings. When it is your turn to talk, begin by confirming for the other person that you really heard them. There are several ways to do this. You might want to comment on what they’ve just told you. “I can imagine that was difficult.” You might ask a question. “Wow, what happened after that?” Mirroring is another good technique for letting someone know you heard them. Basically, it is simply repeating back to the other person what they just said, and asking them for confirmation that you understood. “So it sounds like this was a really positive experience for you, is that right?” When you let people know you’re really listening to them, they will be more interested when it’s time for you to share your thoughts with them.

3. Listen with your eyes. There may be no better way of letting someone know you’re listening than by maintaining strong, consistent eye contact. This is very important when you’re speaking, but even more so when you’re the listener. Don’t look down. Don’t look around the room. Don’t look at other people. Look into the eyes of the person speaking to you, and they’ll know you’re interested in what they’re saying. (Important! This might sound crazy, but you have to pick one eye to look at. That’s right, left or right, your choice. But you have to focus on one. If you don’t, your gaze will drift from one to the other. You’ll exhibit what is commonly referred to as “shifty eyes,” which most people interpret as a sign of nervousness.)

4. Relate your thoughts to theirs. Finally, it’s your turn to express your ideas, feelings and desires. To be most effective, try to build your thoughts on what you’ve just heard. “I’m glad you brought that up, because I’ve been thinking about something very similar.” Even if you’re point-of-view is opposite theirs, you will make it more meaningful to your listener by pointing that fact out. “I certainly hear what you’re saying, and I understand why you think that way. But I have a different perspective on the situation. Let me explain.” By connecting your point to theirs, you make it relevant to them.

It all boils down to this: masterful communication is a conscious act. It requires focus, attention, forethought and an appreciation of the person with whom you hope to forge a connection.

Take the time to learn and apply these few skills, and you’ll be on your way to becoming a great communicator, and to reaping untold rewards in the process.

Keith Harmeyer is EVP of Marketing and Creative Services at C2 Creative in New York Ci
ty
. He is a marketing, communication and presentation skills expert, author, speaker and creator of The SuperSkill, a proven method for using traditional marketing techniques to achieve personal and professional success. You can email Keith at kaharmeyer@gmail.com, or visit his website at http://www.thesuperskill.com.

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